Top 3 Reasons Why Top 10 Lists Kick Ass

Everyone loves list, so to make your blog posts really popular always organize them into some sort of important list. Digg users really like numbered lists so if you want to impress them for some reason then put your shit in a list format. Now everyone knows Digg is stupid and the people who use it are even stupider, which is hard because Digg doesn’t even have a brain because it’s just a bunch of code on a platter spinning in circles, but making a list will make them pee their pants and squeal. And then jerk off on their keyboard.

Lists also make you sound like an expert because only knowledgeable people order things and rank them. So if you want to sound extra smart then makes lists.

The Bill of Rights is a like one of the most famous lists and I think everyone agrees it’s pretty good and useful. The Ten Commandments is also a famous list although the information is not so helpful. And that’s just not because it’s old. I’m sure the ancient Greekelites and Egyptonians we’re equally unimpressed with it’s long list of mostly “Duh!’ statements.  It would have been totally awesome if God would had put like “wash your hands with soap before treating wounds or eating so you don’t fucking spread germs and shit” as the first commandment. Scratch that, that would be the second commandment. The first would explain germ theory otherwise they would be really confused by the hand washing thing. That alone would have changed the world. Wash your hands dudes!

Anyways, here’s my authoritative and definitive top three reasons on why you should make top ten lists.

1. People Like Lists

It’s how are brains work. We love to rank and divide. We don’t like areas of gray. It’s hot or cold, up or down, black or white, Republican or Democrat, conservative or liberal, big tits or little tits, rich or poor, happy or angry, night or day, blah, blah, blah. No one wants to hear about the even tempered olive skinned middle class chick with the medium tits who likes moderate temperatures and votes Independent because she’s a centrist. Hell no! We want the poor angry black chick with huge tits who likes snow and tornadoes and votes Democrat because she’s a bleeding heart liberal who hates rich people because she’s jealous and bitter! So give the people what they want – a simple list of strong statements that they can get pissed about because it’s not exactly what they would put on their list if they were to spend like five seconds to actually make one themselves.

2. It Makes You Sound Like You Know What You’re Talking About

Just the fact that I organized this into a top three list make me sound more authoritative than a bunch of paragraphs that drone on and on. This is undeniably true because:

1. Lists look impressive.

2. Most important information is organized in a list.

3. Lists allow you to make bold statements without backing them up with facts or reason.

3. They are Easy to Read and Understand

People don’t want to spend all this time trying to figure out what you’re trying to say – especially if the subject is complicated and full of sciency stuff that takes some effort to understand. They just want to find out what your point is so they can then tell you how wrong you are.  A list makes this very easy.

So that’s it. I had one more but all good lists are either Top 3, Top 5, or Top 10, so I dropped it.

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