Why Long Blog Post Titles Totally Kick Ass Over Really Short or Somewhat Short Ones – How To Make a Really Long Post Title in Three Easy Steps

Long domains are just better – we all know that – but long post titles are just as important. Your blog is only as strong as its weakest link and short titles are weak and so that’s where it will break the easiest because it’s not strong and therefore the bulk of the torque we be transferred to this weakest part. That’s probably more science stuff than you can absorb at the moment but that’s how it works.

The most awesomest thing is that having a nice long post title is completely in your control by following my three simple and irrefutable laws of long title generation.

1. Explain Everything Completely and Thoroughly Without Leaving Anything Out

Don’t count on someone understanding what you said the first time. Repeat it often and always within the same sentence because repetition of the same idea within a phrase creates sentences that are full of repetition, thus making them longer, which makes it better than shorter sentences with a singular expression of a lone idea.

2. Synonyms Are Your Friends, Comrades, Amigos and All Around Great Buddies

Everyone wants lots of friends. Synonyms, and words that are different but mean the same thing, are your friends and comrades so use them habitually, frequently, often, and always in the same sentence or phrase.

3. Add Lots of Extra Phrases That Ad Nothing to The Content But Sound Profound and Important

You could just say “It’s cold outside” but how fucking boring is that? A much better title or phrase is “The fact of the matter is that it is most definitely cold outside”. The first version has an anemic three words. How pathetic! The new version has a totally impressive thirteen words. That’s an increase of over 400%!  Let me spell that out for clarity – four hundred percent. That’s not a typo or a mistake. This is the  type of longitude (i.e. longifying) that one could expect by using these techniques.

Other totally killer phrases that help beef up the length of your titles include:

  • In this day and age…
  • It is often said…
  • After all is said and done…
  • Needless to say…
  • Not withstanding the fact that…
  • At the end of the day…
  • Jane you ignorant slut…(ask your parents)

So that’s it. That’s the magic for longer titles. Now don’t be a puss and go forth and multiply!

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